


Intergalactic Hitchhiking, and Other Such Earthbound Adventures

by TheSparksofMagic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Community: rs_games, F/M, Futuristic Fantasy, Humor, M/M, R/S Games 2016, Sirius being overdramatic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 12:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8206364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSparksofMagic/pseuds/TheSparksofMagic
Summary: R/S Games 2016 - Day 3 - Team PlaceAfter many years of wars over resources, humans were sent a message by the Galactic Commission of Quadrant 4713 and offered a new home on the Space Port on the other edge of the Milky Way. 97% of the human race left Earth behind to begin a new life, but the 3% that stayed lived out their lives amongst chaos and ruin. Sirius lived on the Port, but was drawn to Earth by the promise of adventure and mystery. He gets more than he bargained for when he encounters Captain Lupin and the village of Hogwarts.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **Team:** Place  
>  **Title:** Intergalactic Hitchhiking, and Other Such Earthbound Adventures  
>  **Rating:** M  
>  **Warnings:** Frank discussions of sex  
>  **Genres:** Fantasy, Sci-Fi  
>  **Word Count:** 14,000  
>  **Summary:** After many years of wars over resources, humans were sent a message by the Galactic Commission of Quadrant 4713 and offered a new home on the Space Port on the other edge of the Milky Way. 98% of the human race left Earth behind to begin a new life, but the 3% that stayed lived out their lives amongst chaos and ruin.  
>  Sirius lived on the Port, but was drawn to Earth by the promise of adventure and mystery. He gets more than he bargained for when he encounters Captain Lupin and the village of Hogwarts.  
>  **Notes:** Loosely inspired by The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and also various video games featuring dystopian worlds, this was only supposed to be about 7k words. Oops. Thanks to the amazing M who beta-d this mini monster on very, very short notice, it's very much appreciated!  
>  **Prompt:** #24 - Picture of a destroyed bedroom.  
> 

_Out in the far corners of the galaxy, there is a tiny planet. It is barely larger than a small Galactic Space Port but is home to over a billion life forms. Its name is Earth._

_It housed 9.7 billion humans. Humans, as a species, were a bit of a disaster really. They fought amongst themselves over small pieces of shiny minerals and flakes of dead plant matter, and polluted the very air they require to survive by destroying the only organisms which provided the oxygen they need to breathe. They quickly ran out of resources to maintain their existence, and so resorted to blowing each other up, not with lasers (the standard weapon for warfare according to the Sociomatic Life Forms agreement made in the Galactic year8835,809,455,485 - earth year 1562) but with crude explosives made from natural materials, which would struggle to even dent most armour issued as standard by the Protection Sector of the Galactic Sociomatic Life Forms (GSLF) agreement._

_The Human Resources War occurred in the Galactic Year 8835,809,456,001 (Earth year 2078 AD, or 13,678,987 years from formation) and lasted for 26 earth years. Most of the physical structures of Earth were not affected by the particular strain of radioactive weaponry favoured by humans and many of the natural processes on Earth experienced an unprecedented side-effect of stopping growth whilst still being alive - the accidental discovery of frozen immortality. Humans, however, did not feel this effect, and instead died of radiation poisoning._

_Earth was home to just 3.2 billion humans, before the Galactic Commision of the Quadrant 4713 managed to establish a connection with Earth, and thus the humans managed to learn how to access the nearest Space Port to Earth, orbiting the star G-Heegrty 6.2 light years away, by hyper-space travel. They left the planet in droves for the port, exhausted and destroyed as it was, and made new lives as a new species in the treaty of GSLF._

_The year on Earth would now be 2408. Humans have adapted to living on the space ports and have meshed reasonably well with the older species with whom they co-inhabit the Port. The humans exist in the ‘Schedule’ of the port, which runs differently according to the physical needs of the species, and so they experience day and night, with much of the same cultural celebrations as they had on Earth. The concept of schooling as was in place on Earth was an innovation idea for the Port and was readily adopted into the system. Humans exist with much the same lifestyle and society as they had on Earth, but with the thousands of other species as their allies and partners._

_Humans did become enchanted with the idea of travelling the Universe to visit the multitudes of planets and solar systems with life and experiences they’d never even dreamt of seeing. They took up the name ‘Hikers’ after a cultural phenomenon on Earth, the origin of which has been lost to time. Hyper space hikers do have the ability to travel to Earth, but most don’t take the opportunity. Earth is, really, rather dull in comparison to the neon lakes of Yumijukuri, or the nebulae Fred, which is renowned for its star-dust surfing opportunities._

_However not every human left the earth when the Galactic Commision offered access to the Ports. Tribes of people who did not wish to leave the planet refused and still exist in small communities on Earth in the un-destroyed urban areas. There is much hostility between those living on the Ports and those on Earth. No recent polite connection has been made despite multiple attempts at communication from the Galactic Team for an Open Universe (sector: Universe 7, parallel to Universe 7-x and perpendicular from Universe -1/7)._

_It is suspected that-_

Sirius slammed the book shut and banged his head on the desk. When he looked up and realised that no-one had paid the slightest bit of attention to him, he groaned with more gusto and kicked his legs up onto the back of the chair in front of him. It was too early in the Schedule for even the most studious of students, and so Sirius was one of four, perhaps five if the one girl sleeping at the back counted, students awake and in the library.

Sirius wouldn’t touch the library before mid afternoon on a normal day, and that was with hours worth of prodding from his best friend/sidekick/sleeping quarters partner James to “actually finish our prep work for Galactica-Squads for once, Black, because I don’t want to end up on Veritas-Beta doing slime shovelling for missing any more deadlines”. On a normal day, the only thing vile enough to make Sirius step foot inside the library doors was the risk of having to touch the slime that oozed from the sides of the volcanoes on the neighbouring planet to the Port, Veritas-Beta, and having to suffer the hundreds of scalding showers it would take to get the smell out of his hair.

This, of course, was not a normal day. Today, as Sirius reminded himself when he felt his eyelids closing, was the day that the final exam results were announced, and he’d learn if he’d passed his Intergalactic flight test.

The Inter-Galactic flight test authorised pilots to travel throughout their home galaxy, between the various solar systems. To be able to fly to another solar system in the home galaxy was not impressive compared to the flights between galaxies, or between the different universes themselves, but Sirius couldn’t care less about which system in another galaxy had a planet wide rave, or which planet allowed core diving. He’d been there, done that, bought the helmet with the extra bits on top, mostly with James in tow. There were only so many exciting things to do before the novelty wore off and it took some serious drugs to reach the same adrenaline rush, and Sirius was _bored_. So he’d kept his head down and worked, and in theory, he’d cleaned up his record up enough to be trusted with flying a great chunk of metal at stupid speeds across space.

He was desperate, because his pass would mean he could reach the Milky Way.

He could reach _Earth_.

A clock on the wall began to ring and Sirius startled into sitting upright. It read 07:00 and after a few seconds of the high pitched noise a tiny woman poked her head out of an office door wearing a disgruntled expression. She flashed a laser pen at the clock and the wailing stopped, though Sirius’ ears were still humming with the sound.

The woman smiled in satisfaction and ducked back inside her office for a moment before sticking up a sign on the window of her door. Curious, and without much better to do, Sirius headed over to the door to read the sign.

_To all of those receiving their flight pass grades today,_

_The table at the back of the library should now have your letters. Please don’t disturb anyone in their offices by making too much noise._

_Thank you in advance,  
J. Hopkirk_

Sirius only had two security guards escort him from the library when he opened his letter to read a single, printed 98% - PASS, so really, he felt he’d behaved in an exemplary manner.

The fireworks could be put out easily enough.

~~~~~

James tipped his glasses back up his nose and grinned when Sirius was unceremoniously dumped back into their shared room by the two guards, waving at the taller one and miming ‘Thanks Kevin,’ whilst Sirius was picking himself up off the floor.

Not missing the motion, Sirius stuck his tongue out at James and waved it around a bit. He had always maintained that melodrama was necessary in any situation and was not about to step down from that position now.

“Oh, suck it up Starboy, you’re just lucky they didn’t stick you in the pen with those thieving fuckers from Constell-42.” James said, and then slid off his perch on his bed to crouch beside Sirius’ still spread-eagled form. “ _Anyway_ , how did you do?”

“Oh,” lamented Sirius, “I don’t know if I like you enough anymore. What a traitorous traitoring _traitor_ you are, _thanking_ the scumbags that _treated me so_ ** _badly_** -”

“Sirius, you went drinking with Kev last week on V-Beta, he isn’t a scumbag.”

“-That _threw me to the ground_ , like a _criminal-_ ”

“Sirius!”

“-I could’ve _died_.” Sirius finished with a flourish, having flipped onto his back somewhere around _traitor_ the third time for emphasis. “Yeah, I passed by the way.”

James gaped at Sirius, then pulled him upright into a hug, dancing and grinning in an inane manner that Sirius knew meant trouble just the way they liked it. Eyes gleaming, James took hold of the sides of Sirius’ face and planted a kiss on his forehead.

“You, my friend,” he crowed, “are a legend. And we need to start fucking planning, because we have 6 months left before actual work starts and I intend to do _everything._ ”

  


As it was them, and they had a reputation to maintain, Sirius and James couldn’t just leave for Earth at once and stay for the whole period. They had to make an impression, one last bang of a prank before they hid away on the most boring planet in their galaxy, and so they sat late into the night schedule on James’ bed planning. Papers littered their room, covered in ink scribbles and doodles, because they’d never get away with planning something as huge as they wanted on the all-too-traceable hologram system.

“How would we even find one that big?” James ran a hand through his hair and gestured to the ceiling. “This room is kind of low, we couldn’t hide it, could we?”

“We wouldn’t _need_ to hide it, that’s why this plan is so genius,” Sirius explained, “Everything would be done so quickly that by the time the guards to the vault even realised anything was wrong the entire Central Base would be covered and we’d be laughing on our way to Earth!”

“But they’d catch us easy, you’re only licensed to a subspace plunger craft! They’re the slowest model going at the high prices and we can barely afford a cheap one scraping together.” James gestured to the ceiling again. “Poor kids, remember?”

“We might be poor now, but I wasn’t before.” Sirius leaned in to James with a dark smile splitting his mouth and darker eyes filled with excitement and something closer to rage.

“Sirius, you can’t be thinking-”

“Oh, you better believe it. I’ve got it all ready to go.” Flicking James on the nose, Sirius sketched out the rough outline of a rocket on the nearest sheet and drew two stick men on top of it. “I’m only kind of stealing it, but I have to do it tonight or we’re going to Earth looking like lame, boring humans like the rest of our kind. Can you imagine the shit we’d get from the V-Beta wankers when we get back?”

“So, we escape to Earth on that… thing and also say a huge fuck you to the Beta wankers? Hell. Yeah.”

They high-fived and gathered all their papers into one big pile on the floor. Drawing out his lighter, Sirius lit the edge of one sheet and watched the whole thing burst into a bright green flame, before disappearing without a trace.

“Damn, I fucking love flaper. Stupid name, epic creation.” Sirius jammed his lighter into his pocket and shoved James in the shoulder. “Pack your bags, wanker, let’s get this party started.”

When they were both dressed all in black, backpacks stuffed with both prank materials and travelling supplies, Sirius drew a sleek silver key out from under his bed and brandished it in James’ face.

“This,” he declared, “is our ticket out of here. And I’m giving you the highest of honours of keeping the little fucker safe.”

James, Sirius thought, did not look sufficiently reverent of the key, and so he brandished it with more force. Bewildered, James took it from in front of his face and stuffed it into his pocket.

“So, is this the key to the vault or to-”

“Look, you know the plan. I get the stuff, you’re on distraction, we both get the fuck out of the Centre when everything explodes and meet by the loading bays. We go in, grab the ship and take off in the most epic manner ever seen, accompanied by fireworks because I’ve still got some left over.”

James nodded and Sirius stuck out a hand. They shook once, fist bumped and winked, then took off running in opposite directions.

Sirius followed the paths into the deeper areas of the Port, where the actual business and day to day processes occurred. Humans, Betians, and other, less common species on board the Port paid no attention to the young man jogging down to the tunnels. Black clothes were the low workers’ uniforms and no-one cared about what one was doing. Sirius ran until he hadn’t seen any other forms of life for a good five minutes, then took a monitor out of his bag. He flicked it on to the running news feed of the port and waited for James’ signal. A video feed of the Central Base zone, the congregation point of all the species, showed nothing yet, so he sat on the floor waiting.

A crackle came from the pipes above him, and a slow grin broke out over his face. At the same time, he saw a small figure started to scale the statue of a chair in the middle of the base on the video, and one line of text appeared on the news link.

_I can talk for 5, pads, so go go go_

Sirius watched for a moment as James’ figure reached the seat of the chair, and at the crowd which began at form at the base, then he carried on down the paths. Eventually, he reached a single grey door. There was no-one around, and Sirius pulled it open as quietly as he could manage, and drew out the box from within. It was about as tall as he was, but thin and light. Ripping the side open, he revealed a cannister and various other tubes inside and cackled.

“Here come the boys,” he muttered, “Let’s get dirty.”

He cracked open the valve on the cannister and watched as a hot pink gas began to erupt from the gap. Quickly, he slotted it into a hole in one of the pipes in the cupboard and let the gas billow into the system. After a moment, he checked his monitor again, and was pleased to see James had finished erecting the giant, purple blow up penis they’d kept for one big prank years ago and never used. He was fastening chains to its base so it couldn’t be easily removed and Sirius switched the audio on.

Now came the difficult bit. Timing wasn’t their speciality.

The sound crackled into life, and James’ voice came magnified through the loudest, where he was strategically placed close to the only microphone.

“-see, we thought this place needed to be brightened up a bit! So grey, so silver. Needs some colour, seriously, who planned this? What a boring set up. New team, new faces, a new lick of paint! Surely you do that, can’t be that difficult. _Seriously_ , I could do it in… seconds. Look, I’ll demonstrate!”

Sirius braced himself against the wall at their codeword and shoved the extra tubes into his bag.

“3-”

He tapped twice on the cannister, making sure it was secured into the hole and sealed completely.

“2-”

Pressing a button on the top of the cannister, Sirius legged it away from the cupboard as the pipes began to rumble and hiss under the pressure of the escaping gas. He sprinted as fast as he could with several pounds of metal weighing him down. The monitor still played the video where Sirius held it in a loose fist and so he whooped when he heard James’ scream of “One!” accompanied by a mass of incomprehensible noise.

The screen glowed a bright pink as the coloured gas filtered directly through to the Centre and filled every nook and cranny of the room. It was an invention devised by Sirius and James during slow Chemistry sessions and while not hazardous to any biotic organism, it would cling like snot to a toddler’s nose to anything else. The glitter mixed in was just for dramatic effect, because Sirius didn’t believe in doing anything without enough drama to drown out a Quarter 56 glow rave.

But the chemicals weren’t _entirely_ legal, and so Sirius flipped his monitor off and threw it against a wall so it couldn’t be traced back to him. He’d just have to trust that James would be able to reach the Hangers after him and before the crowds momentarily blinded by the gas did.

When he reached the Hangers, he skidded to a halt. The main room was bigger than any single structure Sirius had ever seen, so high that he had to strain his neck to look at the beams on the roof, and was thriving with people of all species. Humans were dwarfed next to the lumbering adult Betians, purple skinned, tripedal creatures that resembled frogs on Earth. Although the adolescents were the same size, they looked much like humans with three legs (and purple _everything_ ). Sirius ducked under the foot of a particularly large adult, weaved around a visiting Millpofd with a cheery, “Hey!” and scampered down to the private bays. The bays were pods surrounding the entirety of the hanger, containing either private and Port-owned spacecraft, with variable atmospheres and gravity fields. Each was ended by huge doors which led out into the space beyond.

Sirius never had quite been able to comprehend Space in its Hugeness. He knew that before humans came to the port, they never left Earth and barely understood what space was, let alone the sheer size of it. The many multiples of universes, the laws of the galaxies, even the fact that other life existed at all. He couldn’t imagine trying to think about wormholes, or nebulae, or black holes without the teaching he had, let alone about the existence of hole diving or stardust surfing (which, really, was fucking amazing).

The private bays were more ornate than the port ones, with elaborate locks and coloured doors. The bay belonging to his estranged family, the Blacks, was one of the largest and most daunting. The doors stretched nearly halfway up the hanger with no windows or peepholes. There was no need for them to show off what they had by making their ships public; the words HUMAN AMBASSADORS embossed at the bottom made sure everyone knew how much the ships were worth.

And, if James would bloody well _turn up_ , Sirius would steal the biggest one.

With that thought, Sirius heard thundering footsteps growing louder and louder. He spun around and came face to neck with James as they collided.

“Finally!” He hissed, “Quick, you unlock the door. Turn the key twice, then say “Toujours pur” three times, then code in blue up, red down, black right left right. I’ll draw attention to us.”

“Right, that’s a new one.”

“Get on with it!”

When James began to enter the password, Sirius drew out one of the tubes from the side of his bag and cracked it open. A bright red flare erupted out of it with the noise like a hundred sirens at once. It only lasted for a second but the silence afterwards stretched on for what felt like hours. Once the tension of the silence moved from shock to confusion to anger, Sirius flicked his hair out of his eyes and cupped his hands over his mouth.

“Greetings!” He hollered, “My name is Sirius Orion No-Longer-Black. Did you like the pink? I liked the pink. But I’m not sure certain members of my family will. They kicked me out, you know! The fucking heathens. So, in exchange, I’m stealing something of waaaay more value.”

He flung his arms open and whispered to James, “Now, pull the yellow one,” before bowing. The doors above him shuddered open with hisses and mechanical whirring as each magnetic lock unlatched, and the noise of the crowd still watching in stunned stillness was rising in a panicked crescendo.

“May I present,” Sirius roared, “My ship, the illustrious; the magnificent; the _really fucking_ shiny; the motherfucking MOTHERFUCKER!”

From below him, Sirius ignored James’ mutter of, “You renamed it _the Motherfucker?_ ” and stepped into the bay. He dragged James up with him by the collar and then ran to the entry doors of the ship, hands shaking. He tapped in the lock code he’d memorised when he’d broken into his brother’s- ex-brothers’ - room to take the key and blinked hard. The wetness in his eyes stung but he refused to let anything fall.

“Let’s go,” he said, and stepped into the entryway with his hands on his hips. “Well, ain’t this a thing of beauty?”

The inside was the same sleek grey and silver of the rest of the port, lit by blue strip lights running along the floor. Behind him, James gasped and slid the doors shut. Sirius spun around.

“What is it?”

“They’re trying to get to us,” James hissed, “We need to go, quick. Which way to the cockpit?”

“This way.” Sirius jogged to the cockpit, following the lights down twisting grey corridors to a spacious room filled with buttons and a wide, black screen. Two seats were swivelled to face the door and Sirius glanced back at James when they entered. Grinning, they launched themselves into the seats and Sirius clapped his hands twice. All of the lights flickered on with a dull buzz and Sirius leant forward, hands hovering over the control holo.

Swiping his right hand up in the holo-sphere, the engines started with a roar. With his other hand, Sirius tossed James the remaining cylinders he’d taken from the store cupboard and then pressed a button above his head.

“Down to the exhaust,” he shouted over the roar of the engines, “Everything should be expelled, but try to hold on! We’ll be rising in about 10 seconds to leave the gate.”

“Aye aye Captain,” James quipped, then he ran off to the engine room underneath the main living quarters of the ship. Sirius felt his teeth rattle in his head and his bones shake as the ship slowly rose off the ground, every light in the cockpit flashing orange and the holo-sphere growing bright and warm around his fingers.

Inch by inch, Sirius guided his ship out towards the main doors. An intercom crackled into life above his head and James’ voice echoed through sharp and excited.

“Calling Captain, I’m in position. I’ve closed the bay doors, and set the code opening for the space doors. They’ll open when we get close enough.”

Sirius propped his foot up on the desk to press the intercom button and called, “Received, Potter,” through gritted teeth as he concentrated on not blowing them or the entire port up. The Motherfucker was a much larger and more complex ship than he’d trained in, with more buttons to press that could potentially, knowing his family, set off crazy weapons, or a self-destruct or something equally horrendous. Every effort was going into guiding the ship straight and keeping everyone alive.

Creaking echoed from the space doors when the ship steered into range and they slid open. The deep black of space was disconcerting, stars pin-pricking the sight with blinding clarity. Sirius took a deep breath and steered the ship out of the port. When he saw the pressure indicators flashing, he prodded the intercom with his foot again.

“Calling Potter, set them now! We’re flying in three, two, one-”

He threw his hands forward in the holo and the Motherfucker sped out into space, accompanied by James’ gleeful hooting as the insides of the Black’s bay were painted pink and anti-vacuum fireworks exploded behind them in an array of blue and green and yellow.

The bay doors shut and Sirius grinned.

“We’re headed for Earth, Potter - we’ve only got fuel for 2 days, but we should be there before then. Get your beautiful arse back up here.”

  


It took the Motherfucker 29 and a half hours to pass the Earth’s moon. As they approached the Earth, James pointed at the window and frowned. “What the fuck is that?”

Sirius squinted and poked at the screen he was mostly confident was the tracking system. Blue and green lines flashed across it, with one red dot centred on the screen.

“Um. I think the red is us?” He guessed, and looked back out, trying to spot what James had seen. There was nothing but stars and the round globe of the Earth in the distance to his eyes.

Except, that star was growing. And pulsing blue and white.

“Shit!” Sirius swore, “Fucking buggery, it’s a missile. They’re shooting us down. We’ve probably got a minute before it hits us, I can’t change trajectory that quickly! We’ll just have to guide the ‘fucker down with whatever we have. It’s an Earth weapon, it can’t hurt us that badly.”

The missile was coming ever closer and James closed his eyes, throwing his hands up in the air. “All this way and we’re going to be killed by humans. Fucking typical.”

“We won’t die, Potter. And I thought I was the overdramatic one. Just strap yourself in, this could be bumpy.”

With each second that passed more lights began to flash and more sirens began to scream within the cockpit. Sirius kept flying straight, expression somewhere between concentration and sheer, hysteria driven exhilaration that was mixed up in his fraying emotions. He’d never been more frightened, but he was _doing something himself_ , and that feeling was better than any drug he’d ever taken, any high he’d ever experienced.

When the missile was in view, filling half the view of the window, Sirius pushed into the holo harder.

“If I’m dying,” he muttered, “I’m going in style.”

The missile crashed into the underbelly of the ship and the consequential explosion sent shockwaves through every panel of metal and welding. Every tooth in Sirius’ head rattled and his bones ached and his hands felt like they were burning as the ship’s internal systems worked to keep the air safe enough for them to breathe in and the holo was overloaded with power. A high pitched siren started whirring above their heads and James, under Sirius’ instructions, checked through the computer reports.

“It looks like the heat shield on the underside has been destroyed. We’ve only got one engine booster, so if we can get to Earth we won’t be able to take off again without repairs, and entering the atmosphere is going to be fucking painful. There’s a crack in the right side of the ‘fucker which is causing the pressure malfunction, but the missile wasn’t powerful enough to do much physical damage.”

James looked at Sirius with wide brown eyes and swallowed. “Are we going to be okay going down?”

Sirius sucked on his front teeth and blew out a long breath. “No. But I can angle us so we’ll be as safe as possible when we crash, and the tracking is still online so I’ll guide us into water by a coast. We should be able to find a human settlement, most are by oceans.”

“Right.” James closed his eyes and tipped his head back on the seat. Looking back out of the window, Sirius brushed his hair behind his ears and recalibrated the ship for total manual control. The ship lurched when he disconnected the holo and he swore, quickly taking hold of the huge handles which controlled the angle of the ship. The tug of Earth’s gravity was drawing the ship in and Sirius lit the thrusters with pedals at his feet, maneuvering into a perfect angle for entry. Swirling blue and green and white filled every view of the outside that Sirius could see except for the yellow glow of heat and friction as the upper side heat shield stopped them from being fried by the atmosphere.

The ship began to shudder again under the strain of the entry and the pounding of air escaping into the vacuum of space from the holes in its hull. Sirius increased the thrust of the single outside booster and twisted the handles in the other direction to keep the ship from spinning in helpless circles. Intense heat rose within the cockpit and James began a litany of swearing and old Human prayers that Sirius knew his parents had instilled in him as a remnant of their human, their Earth, heritage.

And suddenly, everything was over. The heat died down slowly, and then they were falling towards white clouds in tight circles.

“Shit!” Sirius grappled with the controls uselessly and then threw his hands up. “We’ve lost the other booster, the heat must’ve killed it. We should land in water, but brace yourself!”

They fell towards the ground, through an empty blue expanse, then amongst mountains of fluffy clouds that towered above the ship which disappeared to reveal the landscape of Earth that Sirius knew by heart from years of desperate studying.

“We should land in European waters,” he screamed over the noise of the air rushing around them, “It’s coming up!”

James didn’t reply, just continued praying.

The blue grew closer and closer and closer, until the ship landed in the ocean nose first. Sirius was slammed into the window, and fell unconscious as the water embraced the Motherfucker in her cold arms.

  


~~~~~

  


“Is he waking up?”

“I feckin’ doubt it, that was one heck of a drownin’. He’s pro’lly just started sleepin’ normally, dreamin’ or somethin’.”

“He’s twitching.”

“Dreamin’. Like a dog does, you catch me.”

“Fine, Wormtail, whatever you say.”

“I tell ye’, I’m right Cap’ain.”

“We’ll let the man sleep then. But any sign of him waking-”

“I’ll letcha know, swear it and bear it.”

  


~~~~~

  


“Flowers, he up yet?”

“Nay, Cap. Look, I know you think he’s a pretty one, but he needs rest, not your floatin’ over ‘im. We’ve had’ta put ‘im under meds to heal ‘im quicker. ‘E kept waking and breaking the stitches.”

“I do _not_ think he is pretty. I need to talk to him, is all, his partner is giving me nothing-”

“An’ if he dies, neither’ll give us cream nor shit. So we wait.”

“We can’t wait much longer, Li-”

“Code, Cap.”

“ _Flowers_ , we can’t wait, as we need to know what the ever-flying fuck they’re doing here, what happened.”

“You will wait, because he’s dyin’ right now.”

“Fine, but remember, any sign-”

“Aye, when we wake ‘im up we’ll tell you, Cap. Now go do your job.”

  


~~~~~

  


“So, how is he?”

“Cap’ain, get t’fuck out.”

“Wormtail, we’re mates!”

“Don’t you _mate_ me, Cap’ain, jus’ leave.”

“I could order you-”

“My patient, my rules. Get t’fuck out.”

“Whatever.”

  


~~~~~

  


“Any-”

“Out!”

“Urgh!”

  


~~~~~

  


“T’other one gave us information! We can trust ‘em.”

“Fine, they’re not spies for the Lord. But we can’t tell them everything yet. Not just on his word.”

“Names though. So they’ll trust us, open up.”

“Yes. I suppose.”

  


~~~~~

  


Darkness. Pain, pounding in his temples. Heat around his ankles. Sweat on his forehead. Voices. Voices. More voices, loud, soft, loud, soft, angry, calm. Burning red into his eyelids. A light? Light in his eyes. Too bright, too bright, _too bright._

He opened his eyes. Pale blue eyes stared into his own.

“I’m not sure he’s fully awake yet.”

Another light flashed into his pupils.

“‘Is pupils contracted, ‘e’s conscious. Quick, snatch t’Cap’ain.”

A hand on his forehead. Cold, cold on the heat.

“Feck, ‘e’s burning up. Infection. Might not be used to our bugs.”

“But t’other one isn’t affected by ‘em?”

“Dunno, pro’lly just a sickun then.”

Too many voices. Words, accents he can’t understand. Voices. Lights. A new voice, new eyes.

Amber eyes.

He passed out again.

  


~~~~~

  


Sirius woke up the second time to the same amber eyes that had been glaring down into his own before. His head was still pounding and the lights were still too bright, but he could think in mostly full sentences, which was a major improvement on his last few bouts of semi-conscious stirring.

The eyes blinked and Sirius blinked back twice, before grinning inanely.

“Hey,” he said.

No-one responded, so Sirius shut his eyes and heaved himself upright. The pain from his everywhere churned his stomach and he threw up over the side of the bed (table?) he had been laying on. A chorus of disgusted groans and complaints erupted into life and Sirius opened his eyes again to see four people staring him down with varying expressions of revulsion and curiosity. Amber Eyes was a young man with just half his head shaved and the other half a mop of light brown curls. His face was a mass of scar tissue. Next to him were the pale blue eyes, belonging to a rotund teenager in a white cloak which was splattered with Sirius’ puke. Two women stood at each side of the two young men. One looked to be the same age as himself (and Amber Eyes) with flaming red hair and the same white coat as Blue Eyes, and the other much older, dressed from head to toe in green.

“So, it takes puke to get a reaction around here? Tough crowd.”

Amber Eyes stepped forward and gestured to Blue Eyes. “Wash down the chunder.” He turned to face Sirius again and drew a blade from a scabbard around his waist. “You. What’s your name?”

“What’s your name?”

“I am Captain Lupin and you are only alive because I dictate that you are.” Amber Eyes, Lupin, said. He placed the sharp edge of the blade on Sirius’ bare chest and drew a line down his sternum, pressing harder until he nicked the skin and a tiny bead of blood welled up under the metal. Sirius winced. “Now tell me your name.”

Sirius looked down at the cut and swallowed. Bravado was, he thought, probably not the best plan right now. “My name’s Sirius. Sirius Black. I’m from the Port.”

Captain Lupin smiled. It wasn’t reassuring in the slightest. “Good, you’re learning, Sirius from the Port. You’re on Earth, in private lands. Hikers aren’t supposed to be on this side of the planet. Why. Are. You. Here?”

Head still thundering, Sirius shrugged. His brain couldn’t make proper thoughts. Captain Lupin lunged forward, but Red Hair took his arm and shook her head. The older woman pushed Sirius’ shoulder until he laid back down on the bed with his head propped up on pillows Sirius could’ve sworn weren’t there when he was unconscious.

“Lupin, he’s not ready yet,” she said, “Evans and Pettigrew can explain the basics, and you can come back when he’s actually fully lucid. We’re needed on patrol.”

Captain Lupin sighed and spun on his heel. His cloak twirled out around his knees and he wiped Sirius’ blood off his blade before sliding it back into his belt, and he stalked out of the small, grey room they were in. The woman followed, but stopped at the door.

“I’m Minerva,” she said, then slammed the door shut behind her.

Red Hair sat down on the end of the bed and patted Sirius’ ankle. “I’m Lily. This is Pete.” She gestured to the teenager on the floor, who popped his head up from where he was cleaning and smiled. Lily continued. “You’re on old England, in Cornwall. ‘Ow much d’ya know about Earth now…?”

Sirius wrenched his brain into gear. “Um. You live in settlements in old cities. Electronics don’t work much due to heavy EMP usage. Old Asia is controlled by a bunch of fanatics.”

Lily laughed. “Well. You’re no’ wrong. The ‘fanatics’ are the ones who shot you down, the Earth purists who do’na want Portians down here. They’re led by a man called Riddle. We’re just the remnants of the poor who couldn’t get to Port all them years past got nothin’ against you.”

“So how do you survive down here? I thought food was scarce and stuff.”

“Plants do’na grow well, very slowly, but still reproduce fast. Animals live fine. We hunt.” Lily mimed shooting with a mock fierce expression and then grinned. Sirius smiled back.

“You live in small groups now?”

“Mostly. Where we are, we’re good for food and protection. We live here all’a the time. We live in houses rebuilt by our families years ago. Me an’ Pete are Healers. The Captain and Minerva, they’re part’a our protection, our soldiers. You’ll meet t’others soon enough.”

Pete poked his head over the side of the bed and stared at Sirius. “Lily,” he said, “Le’s let ‘im sleep. T’Cap’ain’s still gotta speak to ‘im and ‘e needs to rest for it.”

Patting down the thin sheet Sirius was laying on, Lily stood up and nodded. “Aye. Nice to finally meet you properly, Sirius. Try not to break your ‘ead open again, took us a week to heal you this time.”

Both Healers left and Sirius stared up at the ceiling. It had a strange bobbled pattern, with one beam nailed at a haphazard angle halfway through it. He paid loose attention to each part of his body, feeling for specific pains. Despite having cracked his head on the window of the Motherfucker, he had no cuts except across his forehead and only small, yellowing bruises. It hurt a little to breathe but as if he’d run for too long, too hard. Earth medicine clearly worked wonders.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep, letting darkness film his vision once again.

  


~~~~~

  


Sirius spent the next fortnight learning about the people he’d been rescued by and the village they called home. It was called Hogwarts, and the people had seen the ship hurtle into the ocean and slip beneath the waves some miles out. James and himself had been saved by Captain Lupin and his team from drowning - no-one would tell him anything further than that about the rescue itself, but they were more than forthcoming about their lives and history when they realised that he and James weren’t coming to attack, but to learn and discover Earth.

Hogwarts survived by having teams of people working on certain skills; Lily and Pete as Healers were a small team, but the farmers had a twenty strong group and were all tall and muscle bound. The hunters were lithe and away for days at a time but were loud and friendly when present within the village. They called themselves the Knights after an old Earth legend that Sirius didn’t quite understand, but still thought was pretty cool. There were builders and researchers and fishermen and metalsmiths and two young women who went on trading missions to other settlements around the country.

Captain Lupin and Minerva, along with a huge man named Matt, made up the soldiers who protected Hogwarts when needed and did odd jobs during peace times, nicknamed the Watchers.All of the villagers could fight, but the three were highly trained in a terrifying array of weapons. Sirius had been stunned to silence at one of Matt’s displays of strength as he hefted logs for the mine shaft props as if they were as light as air and not heavier than his own body weight.

Lupin himself took nearly a full week to stop glaring at him every time they made accidental eye contact, which was often considering they were living together in Lupin’s bungalow and Minerva had forced Lupin into guiding Sirius around the area whilst he recovered. Lupin’s spare bedroom was small but he had the space to accommodate Sirius, unlike the majority of those living in Hogwarts.

Sighing, Sirius flopped back on the sofa he had stretched himself out on. Lupin, because _Remus_ felt too personal for the aloof young man, should’ve been back from patrol an hour ago. They were due to visit a city from before the Evacuation which had been reduced to nothing but ruins in the fourth world war.

A holo-clock on the wall changed colour, signalling the changinghour; 10 to 11, blue to purple.

That was something else that Sirius had found shocking when he first realised it; the people on Earth had been using the technology sent down by shuttles from the Ports that could be salvaged after being shot down by purists like Voldemort, learning how to replicate it and manipulate it for life on Earth. Sirius had been to the research labs for days on end, teaching the scientists about the details of some of equipment they’d found and discussing how they’d managed to combine Port technology with the technology Earth had advanced in four hundred years. Resources were scarce according to Julie and Maddie, two of the younger researchers, but they made do for power with hydroelectric systems in the ocean nearby.

The sound of a key turning in the lock shocked Sirius out of his contemplation and he sat upright with a jolt, promptly slipping off the sofa. He landed on the hard floor with a thump and groaned, rubbing his hip and wincing at the growing bruise. As such, he didn’t realise that Lupin hadn’t called out a greeting until he heard rustling clothing and panting breaths from the entryway.

He could hear voices, too, growled and giggled and moaned.

_wanna lick you out_  
suck it  
fuck 

“What the fuck?” he asked loudly, but the only response was a giggle and Lupin’s deep voice shushing them. Sirius stood up gingerly and came face to face with Lupin’s back and a head of dark hair leant over his shoulder. “Lupin, what…?”

Lupin prised himself out of the woman’s embrace and quirked an eyebrow, smirking. “What does it look like, Black? Go the fuck away, we’re busy.” When Sirius didn’t move, Lupin frowned and took a step forwards. “Seriously, Black, piss the Hell off.”

But Sirius’ brain had frozen. Lupin had brought a woman into the house. A woman. Whom he was kissing. As if they were going to have sex-

“Are you going to have sex? Lupin, you never said you had a partner! Fuck, you want kids, no wonder you don’t want me here, fuck, fuck, I’m leaving-” He scrambled for the door but Lupin grabbed his arm and stopped him from moving away. His eyebrows were drawn together and although his eyes were still blown out and dark, they were no longer jovial.

“I think we need to talk,” he said, “You stay here. Sorry, Larissa, do you mind?” The woman, Larissa, shrugged and smiled.

“No problem, Remus. See you.”

She stuck her hands in the pockets of her overalls and walked back out of the door, waving at Sirius as she did so. Sirius was still too confused to respond and only managed to raise his hand by the time she’d vanished from sight.

Lupin sat Sirius down on the sofa and crossed his arms. In the brightly lit room his eyes shone gold and Sirius couldn’t quite look him in the face. He tried to look at the floor instead, but Lupin coughed insistently and he peered up at the other man.

The frown was still furrowing Lupin’s eyebrows, but the corner of his mouth was turned up in an amused half smile.

“So…” Lupin began, “Is this some weird Port thing about sex? Because I am very confused right now. Explain?”

It may have been phrased as a question but Sirius felt compelled to answer. “Sex is for having children. If you’re going to have sex, you must want children. Why else would you want to do it?”

The corner of Lupin’s lips quirked higher and he pressed his fist to his mouth. For the first time since Sirius had met him, Lupin burst into laughter, and Sirius was entranced. His whole face lit up and he looked his age for once, rather than the stoic soldier.

Lupin only managed one “Really?” before falling back into a fit of laughter. When his chuckles subsided, he took one look at Sirius’ face and rubbed at the back of his neck.

“Oh, you mean it?” he asked. Sirius shrugged, a bit bemused by the forceful reaction.

“Why wouldn’t I? Why, is sex not the same here? Has the word changed? Are we even talking about the same thing?”

“You know,” Lupin said shrewdly, “I don’t think we are. Sort of.” He cocked his head at Sirius and looked him up and down, then tilted his head the other way. Sirius felt himself flushing in embarrassment under the scrutiny and frowned.

“Well, what’s your version of sex, Lupin? As far as I know sex is when a man’s dick is put inside a woman’s vagina and the sperm fertilises an egg. It’s not very complicated. I don’t see why it’s funny…?”

Lupin ran a hand down his face and rolled his eyes. “Sex is that, but it’s not just for procreation, you know. It’s fun, feels good. You don’t have to have kids either, can protect yourself. You can fuck between two men or two women as well. People used to be really uptight on Earth about sex but attitudes changed about two hundred years ago. People used to label sex but now if two people, or more or whatever, find each other attractive, they bang. Clearly shit just got worse at Port.” He snorted. “Sun and stars, your face is priceless right now.”

Sirius knew his shock and confusion had bled into his expression, but he didn’t _get it_ and goddamn it, he was going to find some answers. He looked down at his lap, prodded at the inseam of his trousers. Lupin tracked the movement and snorted again. “Do ya’ not get stiff?” His accent had dropped into something more similar to rest of Hogwart’s speech as he relaxed.

Fed up of trying to understand the weird phrasing of Earth, Sirius just shrugged. Lupin reached out a hand, then pulled it back to his sides quickly. He stuck his hand out upright from his crotch, heel in resting at the top of his own trousers.

“Stiff. Hard. Erect. Whatever. Does your penis stand up with excessblood through it.”

Oh. _Oh._ Sirius nodded. “It’s just biological. I was taught to just-”

“Ignore it?”

“Yeah.”

“Weren’t ‘cha ever curious though? Never thought t’touch it?”

“Why would I touch it? It’s disgusting.”

Lupin’s expression changed from amused to something darker. “It’s not disgusting, it’s natural. Biological. Yeah, you piss and stuff but if you clean yourself then it’s fine.” He reached out his hand again, the caution removed from his mind, and laid a hand on Sirius’ upper thigh. Cocking his head, he bit his lip and looked up at Sirius. “I can show you what it feels like. If you’d want t’.”

A wave of heat flooded Sirius’ cheeks and he scooted away, backing up against the arm of the chair. Lupin quickly removed his hand and put both up in the air by his face. The flare of panic and embarrassment and weird, prickling heat which had curled in the pit of Sirius’ stomach cooled and he ignored the unfamiliar gesture rather than question it (for once).

“How can you just… Do it like that?” Sirius asked, when his heart beat had slowed and Lupin didn’t look quite so skittish. “Like it doesn’t mean anything.”

“It does mean som’thin’.” Lupin said, affronted, “Sex isn’t meaningless when it’s casual. It’s a bond. Trust. It shows you like the person and have respect for them. And, we still have relationships and sex for having children and all the rest. For love.”

“How, though.” Sirius demanded, leaning forwards into Lupin’s space. “This world is so simplis-”

“Wha’ the fuck, Black?” Lupin cut him off and stood up, threading a hand through the long hair of his fringe and pushing it out of his eyes. “You can’na say Earth is _simple._ Jus’ because we live off the Earth does’na mean we don’t have complex lives and emotions and fucking histories! Let me show you. Come on.”

He grabbed Sirius by the wrist and hauled him off the sofa, in a display of strength which had Sirius’ eyes fixated on the movements of his biceps and the flex of the muscle behind his scarred and freckled skin.

“Lupin-” he started, but Lupin cut him off again with a squeeze of his wrist as he led him out of the house and down a gravel path around the edge of the building.

“Remus.” He said. “Call me Remus.”

Sirius nodded, too distracted by trying to take in his surroundings to verbally reply. The path had turned from grey pebbles to a roughly hewn, but worn-smooth white rock as it passed the building and turned into the large, overgrown field at the back of Lupin’s - Remus’ - house. Sirius hadn’t been around this side of the building and stared in awe at the trees which scraped the sky and the harsh slope of the land which stretched for miles down below them, rising up again so far in the distance the land all looked grey and misty. The hills rolled like the ocean waves and he didn’t realise Remus had let go of his wrist until he heard his name being called from a few metres away.

“-ey, Sirius. Sirius! Over here!”

He jerked around to face Remus, who was perched on the end of a vehicle Sirius thought he recognised from one of his textbooks, but couldn’t place a name on. It was parked inside brick walls hidden amongst thick undergrowth and only retained a few flecks of green paint. The rest was just plain, dark grey metal and mud, and Remus patted the thing with a fond smile and a growing grin.

“This is Nymphadora,” he said proudly, “She’s my one true platonic love. I fixed her up myself, switched her from running diesel to animal oil, tinkered with the pipes ‘til she could bypass the speed compressors put in during the dark periods just after the Evacuation. I found her here, a proper relic she is. What d’ya think?”

Sirius understood about half of what Remus said and so shrugged. “She’s. A vehicle. An old one.”

Remus put a hand on his chest and gasped. “She’s not old! She’s a classic Landroamer. And she’s going to take us on a trip. I’ve always got camping gear in here for random journeying.”

He hopped back out of the back and shooed Sirius out of the way of the track onto the grass, before climbing through the back of the truck into what Sirius assumed was whatever its equivalent of a cockpit was. After a few seconds, a loud roar came from the truck and a plume of blue-ish smoke erupted from underneath it. The truck began to rumble out of the building and turned slowly until Sirius could see Remus’ crooked grin from behind a dirty, cracked window. He leaned over and shoved at the door, kicking it so that it swung wide open and banged against the side of the truck with a metallic rasp.

Wincing at the noise, Sirius looked up at Remus and swallowed down the lump in his throat. Space, he could deal with. He trusted his ship, his technology. This hunk of metal roared like a Pokarli dragon and smelled worse, and the feeling that it was going to stop or blow up was only getting stronger as he heard Remus swear and then yell, “It’s fine, I only broke the wing mirror slightly, don’t really need one anyway. Hop up!” from inside.

Sirius stuck his hands in the pockets of the thick jacket Remus had thrown at him when he complained about the cold the day before and steeled himself. He wasn’t a wimp and he could handle a few bruises! He headed over to the open door and heaved himself up the step, swinging himself into the seat. The material was cracked, but warm, and the padding in it enveloped Sirius in a comfortable embrace.

“Good, eh?” Remus chuckled, and Sirius jumped. His voice was deeper than usual and his eyes gleamed yellow in the light of the midday sun. He nodded and sunk further down into the seat, until he realised that Remus hadn’t started moving and frowned. Looking up at Remus, he found the man staring at him with a quirked eyebrow.

“What?” he asked defensively. Remus rolled his eyes.

“See, this is why you went through the windscreen of your ship. Don’t you know what a seatbelt is?”

“What?” Sirius repeated.

“A seatbelt. It keeps you in your seat if we crash. Here, look, I’ll do it for you.” Remus leant over and pulled a black length of material from somewhere above Sirius’ head, brandishing the metal clip on the end of it. “This bit,” he said, “goes in the hole on the other side of you. Like a penis in a vagina!” Remus grinned wickedly and reached his arm slowly over Sirius’ midriff, elbow brushing his thighs, and clicked the clip into a bracket on Sirius’ left. He sat back upright in his seat and tugged at his own belt once. It snapped back into position when Remus released it and Sirius laughed.

“ _Oh_ , they’re mechanical chair-nets.”

Remus nodded once slowly, then brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Whatever you say, star boy. Let’s go show you some Earth.”

  


  


The truck rumbled and groaned beneath Sirius’ feet and he leant out of the panel where a window would have been to watch the dusty wheels swallow up the red earth beneath the tyres. Remus had his window rolled down and was resting one arm on the ledge, the other steering with an ease that spoke of years of driving the tracks. He was singing along to the music he had playing quietly from a system that baffled Sirius even when Remus had tried to explain it to him; something about files, and blue teeth? It was technical and complicated, and Sirius was too distracted by the bounce of Remus’ curls to concentrate on understanding, which he knew he’d be pissed off about when he could focus on anything other than the other young man again.

They’d stopped off outside the Watcher’s cabin on the outskirts of Hogwarts as they passed the border of the village. Remus had yelled out to Minerva by poking most of his upper body through the window, who was sat on the roof cleaning a terrifying array of weapons.

“Minnie! I’m taking Sirius on the long route to see the City,” he’d said, and Sirius heard the capitalisation of the word. “Past the old town, the shrine, show him a bit of history. We’ll be a few days, I’ll pick up some provs from down at ‘Seas.”

Minerva had put her middle finger up at Remus and said dryly, “Ditching us for the play boy? Better hope we don’t get attacked while you’re off getting your rocks off Lupin!”

Sirius was hopelessly lost in the slang and just hoped he hadn’t made a complete fool of himself when he mimicked the action and stuck his middle finger up at Minerva out of his own window. Remus had laughed though, and driven off in a cloud of dust still cackling, so Sirius thought he’d done something right at least.

They’d driven for an hour afterwards, Remus casual and comfortable as he glided down wide, dark roads which were hundreds of years old and only not overgrown because of the slow growing plant life and use by traders and groups of people who lived on the roads, travelling across the country and not settling anywhere. Every few miles, Remus would stop singing and point out something interesting, giving Sirius tidbits of information about how the roads were built, or how the truck filled up on fuel, or about life on Earth on other areas of the planet. Sirius took in every piece of information, building an image of the world that was coloured in the amber of Remus’ eyes and narrated by the smooth, honey rich sound of Remus’ voice.

“What are you going to do if we can’t fix your ship?” said Remus into the thick silence between them, and Sirius jumped, sitting upright in his seat.

“What?”

“I said,” Remus rolled his eyes, “What are you going to if we can’t fix your ship? Faro and Sapphire fished it out of the ocean for you, and Connor’s working on the mechanics with Maddie now in the lab, but the tech is a bit advanced for our gear and Julie reckons they might not be able to salvage it. Materials for the casing are hard to come by.”

Sirius swallowed. The _Motherfucker_ had come from his parents and he wasn’t sad to see it wrecked, but it was his only connection to the Port; without it, he’d have to travel to the hitch-hiking region of Earth and persuade a traveller to let him and James go with them - if James even wanted to leave at all. He’d met Lily in the hospital and was immediately smitten with her, declaring deep and passionate love for her feisty but friendly personality. Lily had been skeptical, but amused and flattered, and let James watch and help her at work with the sick, young and elderly of Hogwarts.

Sirius hadn’t actually spoken to James about anything other than Lily for days, when he managed to see him for longer than a few seconds at all. It hadn’t worried him before, but now with the thought of actually having to leave Earth some day at the forefront of his mind, Sirius was a little concerned.

“I don’t know.” he said finally, trying for nonchalance. “Hitch-hike back to Port I guess.”

Remus hummed. “Well, you’re welcome to stay here if you need a new home. Hogwarts doesn’t restrict anyone deserving of a home with us a place.”

“You held a knife at my throat and threatened me when I woke up from having my head split open,” Sirius felt obliged to point out. He prodded the pink mark on his neck where Remus had sliced the skin and threw a hand on his chest. “I wouldn’t say ‘unrestricting’.”

“I didn’a say, ‘unrestricting’,” Remus huffed indignantly, “I said we wouldn’t restrict anyone _deserving._ I was doing my job and you hadna’ proved yourself. You could have been one’a Riddle’s spies, or a thief. We’ve had kids come from Port to kill us too, people who think we’re scum, pests to be rid of so _Hikers,_ ”he spat the word with such venom that Sirius flinched, “don’t have their precious view of Earth spoilt by us fuckers that live here!”

The truck sped up as Remus put his foot down in anger, the roar of the engine even louder around them. Blue and green and brown countryside blurred around them and Sirius laughed aloud.

“Me and James aren’t going to kill you,” he said, “And I still don’t know. I guess I’ll think about it.”

Remus nodded. All the tension bled out of his muscles and he relaxed back into his easy stance, the truck slowing to its previous speed. Sirius watched clouds drift in the sky, watched the towers and spires of white, and tried not to think of anything at all.

  


After a while, Remus began to stop the car at seemingly random points.

First, there’s the field of sunflowers, where they sat amongst the stalks and Remus picked at the peeling skin of his sunburn at the back of his neck. They ate lunch in near silence.

Then there was the cliff top, where Sirius let his hair tangle in the wind and laughed at Remus’ spluttering as he licked the rock Sirius had dared him to taste. It was a spontaneous game, one Sirius used to play with James as children, and the glee that ran through his blood when Remus just licked a broad stripe across the rock with a darkness in his eyes changed something that had snapped between them in the morning. Rather than brittle emotions, they were liquid and swirled around each other’s space, close and personal. Sirius grew bolder in his touches, beginning to understand Remus’ cryptic words about love and people and intimacy.

The dares spiralled from there. Sirius ran into a cave and unleashed a swarm of bats; Remus perched at the top of an oak tree and sang one of the songs at the top of his lungs that Sirius recognised from the truck’s music system, his voice a low timbre that sent shivers down his spine; Sirius threw rocks at an old building, smashing the glass of the windows that hadn’t seen life in hundreds of years.

As the hours passed, the jagged hills of the west of England turned to flat plains, and they drove for longer stretches at a time.

Remus turned to Sirius after a period of quiet, Sirius humming along to the music, and frowned.

“Do you not have music at Port?” he asked, fingers drumming on the steering wheel.

Sirius tipped his head from side to side and waved his hand. “After a kind. There are no voices. It’s all instruments.”

“The lyrics are my favourite part o’ songs,” Remus said, “They’re the bit that stick with you. The bit you connect with, like old poetry but more fun.” He tilted his head to the side, and then joined in with the singer’s husky lilt.

“- _I said hey, hey why don’t you take me away, ‘cause I can’t see the point in the dawn of the day, when so many killers gone take you away, and leave little left ‘cept hatred-._ One of my favourites.”

Sirius smiled and laced his fingers together at the back of his head. He propped his ankles up on the dashboard and muttered, “Bit slow for my liking. I liked the ones you were playing earlier, with the drums and the electric- uh, the giturs?”

“Guitars?”

“Yeah, them.”

Remus grinned his wolf grin and fiddled with some of the knobs on the system. The song switched off abruptly, and strings began playing instead, blasting through the speakers, growing louder until the drums began and Sirius felt the vibrations of the music ran through his feet. Remus yelled, “This better, Star boy?” over the thrash of the guitars and Sirius grinned too, golden and high in the swell of sound.

“Much!”

  


Together they worked their way through all of Remus’ collection of fast paced music, Remus screaming every word and Sirius picking up the chorus’ after moving past his initial hesitation. The sky darkened and purpled like bruises above them and the sun had dipped below the horizon when they ran out of new songs and Remus stopped the car on the outskirts of a town which was aglow in the distance in yellow lights.

“This is Shortseas,” he explained, “We’re stopping here before we head to the City tomorrow. I have some friends here who’ll put us up for the night.”

Sirius nodded. “Okay. Are we driving in?”

Remus shook his head and unbuckled his seatbelt. Jumping out the truck, he headed around to Sirius’ side and bowed as he yanked Sirius’ door open. Sirius stretched his arms high above his head, cracking his spine and fingers with a satisfied groan, and breathed the cool air in deeply. It smelt earthier here, less whimsical than the salt spray tang of Hogwarts and somehow more intriguing. Oil and metal and gunpowder filled Sirius’ nose and the more familiar scents made him smile.

A low sound rumbled from Remus, but when Sirius turned around to face him, he’d vanished into the back of the truck.

“Remus?” he called out, and the man’s head popped up with red cheeks.

“I’m fine, jus’ getting us bags.”

He leapt over the edge of the truck and landed in front of Sirius with a bag as large as his back swung over one shoulder, holding the strap in one hand.

“Let’s go.”

They walked for a quarter of an hour in a comfortable silence, trailing through winding streets, until a van came hurtling down the road from ahead of them. It skidded to a halt directly in front of them in a neat spin. Acrid smoke welled up from the back tyres and the ground was scorched with skid marks and a tall, thin man a few years older than Sirius hopped out of the van brandishing a glowing stick.

“Moony!” The man yelled, “Sun and stars, it’s good to see you! Who’ve you bought?”

Remus tugged Sirius forwards by the sleeve of his jacket and curled his arm around his shoulder. “This is Sirius.”

“Really? I had a pup called Sirius.” The man said, and then blew his fringe out of his face. “I’m Beast, by the way.”

A low voice from the van chimed in with, “You mean, your pup called Padfoot, because you can’t name a black dog after a fucking star. Just fucking stupid.”

Beast flicked whoever was in the van the same middle finger action that Minerva had used, and turned back to Sirius.

“We do nicknames here,” he said, “So I guess that makes you Padfoot mark two. Moons, did you want to be set up in the hotel or borrow a house?”

Remus thought for a minute, and Sirius frowned as his eyes flickered over his body before he answered. “My usual house, thanks.”

Beast nodded slowly and tapped the side of his nose. “Gotcha, Moons. Hop in the party van then, Lulu’s got the wheel.”

He walked them to the back of the van and pulled open the double doors, revealing a series of benches padded in a soft red material and about twelve people crammed into the space. They were sat on top of each other, squished between each other and one couple were kissing in the corner. Beast threw himself in and clambered into the passenger seat at the front, next to a man with cropped blue hair. All of the people were about the same age.

Remus sat himself down on the floor and pulled Sirius down with him. He leant in close to Sirius’ ear and muttered, “They’re the Watchers of Shortseas, they all grew up as one group and decided to make a force like ours when they kept being robbed.” Sirius nodded and peered at the group with renewed interest. Tracking his curiousity, Remus moved onto his elbows, legs stretched out in front of him with his ankles crossed.

“Guys, this is Padfoot.” he said loudly, and everyone in the van waved and chroused a cheerful mixture of ‘hi’s and ‘hello’s and ‘wotcha’s. The driver, Lulu, stuck a hand up above his head in greeting.

The van smelt sweet and sour at the same time, a tang that reminded Sirius of long nights dust surfing, and the floor was covered in patches of sticky residue and dirt. Bottles of liquid spilled under the seats, and brown bags were shoved under them too in a haphazard fashion. A boot poked Sirius in the hipbone and he looked up into huge brown eyes and a wide pink mouth set in a thin, darker skinned face.

“Hi,” the girl smiled, her voice soft and kind, “I’m Melody.” She pointed to the girl sat next to her, and then to the boy on her lap. “This Coco, and my boyfriend Snow.”

The rest of the people introduced themselves around the circle. The two other women were LinLin and Durce, both tall but LinLin red to Durce’s blonde. The two guys making out were Hail and Castle, who broke apart with matching sheepish grins, and the other four men were Dumes, Strings, Stumpsie and Grass.

The journey only lasted a few minutes, but it felt to Sirius like it went on for hours. Lulu took every corner at high speed, throwing the van left and right, and leaving Sirius feeling more than a little sick to the stomach. When the van span to a stop with a jolt that rattled Sirius’ teeth, he crawled to the doors to fling them open.

Golden twilight streamed in and Sirius scuttled back again when he looked down over the edge to see a deep drop into water. Beast climbed over the back of his seat and stepped over Sirius’ head, between his splayed legs, and jumped out of the van without saying a word.

“What the fuck?” Sirius shrilled. Remus just laughed and took his hand, pulling them both upright. They stood at the doors and Remus pointed down into the water. The van was overhanging the ledge of a rock embankment to a river whose calm waters lapped at a wooden walkway two metres below them. The water burned yellow in the evening sunlight and rippled with flecks of green from the plants poking out of shallow regions. Boats were tied to scraps of metal welded into the walkway. Each boat was thin and painted a different colour, with green plants and odd, obviously hand-forged contraptions sitting on and hanging off the roofs, windows round and clear. Beast waved at them from where he was standing on the roof of a boat much smaller and without the decoration of the others.

A blur of blue and black skimmed past the corner of Sirius’ eyes and he only turned in time to see Lulu leaping down to the walkway from behind Remus, before Remus was tugging on his arm and pulling him down and they were tumbling over the edge together. Sirius screwed his eyes shut and braced himself for the impact, bending his knees and relaxing his back muscles. The force still hurt when he landed, and he overbalanced, then fell over. As Remus was still holding his hand the other man was dragged down with him and they lay in a crumpled heap of tangled limbs and Sirius’ bruised pride.

“Ow…” he moaned and Remus peeled himself up and dusted his jacket down. From his low vantage point, Sirius was forced to look up at Remus’ dark silhouette against the golden sky, and thought, _huh. Maybe I’m starting to get it._

Scrambling to his feet, he stuck his hands in his pockets and headed over to Beast and Lulu, who were tucked into each other’s side, with Lulu’s hands in Beast’s back pockets.

“What’s between them, then?” asked Sirius, and Remus shrugged.

“They’re together, but Lulu’s got another partner called Jade from when he was a girl. So there’s an agreement there. I don’t like to pry.”

Sirius couldn’t quite wrap his head around that arrangement, but just let himself accept it. If they were happy, he wouldn’t be one to find fault with it.

The boat looked more decrepit up close than it had from the van. What had looked like dull brown paint was in fact the wood itself and the rope attaching it to the walkway was frayed and dripping with pondweed. The smell of fish, burnt, rotten and generally dead, hung in the air all around them, but Beast, Lulu and Remus looked as if they couldn’t smell it at all, so Sirius wrinkled his nose and tried to ignore it.

“Aye, so,” Lulu was saying, and Sirius’ attention snapped onto him. His voice was soft and high-pitched, and Sirius felt more at ease than he had done since he’d first met Remus, who set every nerve in his body alight. “We’d have cleaned if you’d sent word, but you’ll have t’ make do as is. Bunch’a thieves ransacked the place a few weeks back, but we figured you wouldn’t be here for a while yet. There’s the one decent bed now after the rats got in, but we did flush them all out so you won’t be bitten or nothing.”

Lulu waved a hand up to the van and there was a loud bang as the doors slammed shut. The engine started and the van drove off in a cloud of smoke, leaving them in silence again. Lulu and Beast hopped back onto the walkway and down into a boat further along the river, still talking but too far for Sirius to really make out their faces, let alone their words.

Remus sighed happily and stepped into the boat, patting the wood on the side as he cocked his leg over. Sirius followed him into the dark warmth of the inside.

He recoiled at the sight of the mess.

Tables were upturned and chairs were haphazardly strewn around, with planks of wood seeming to prop the ceiling up. Piles and piles and piles of cloth and moth eaten curtains littered the floor and every upturned piece of furniture, whilst shards of glass shone like diamonds on the floor. The paint on the walls was peeling and green light was bleeding through a thick material nailed over a hole in the roof. In the centre of the main room a sofa stood upside down, blocking the entryway to what Sirius assumed were further rooms. Remus climbed over the sofa and pushed the door open.

Sirius followed, careful not to step on the glass, and found himself in a bedroom with nothing but a mattress propped up against the wall and a bucket inside. There was another door at the end of that room.

“The bucket’s the toilet,” Remus explained, trying and failing to repress laughter at the disgust Sirius could feel curling his lip. “Just chuck your piss into the river. There’s a proper loo for if you need a shit on the end of the walkway. Next room is the kitchen. There’s a sink, oven and a hob.”

Sirius swallowed and gingerly pulled on the mattress. It toppled over with a loud whomp and sent a cloud of dust and debris into the air. Choking, Remus cracked open one of the round windows and breathed the fresh air in deeply.

“It’s only for one night,” he assured Sirius, “There’s some clean blankets in my pack, bedding rolls. Let’s let the room air out a bit and sit on the roof.”

Remus laid out the bedding rolls on the mattress, piling the blankets high and covering a rip in the tough material with a thick pillow. He took Sirius’ hand and led him back through the mess of the boat outside, and guided him up a metal ladder to the boat’s flat roof. Grooves were carved out of thick logs which were strapped and bolted down, and Remus curled up in a hole that was just big enough to for two to sit comfortably, if close. Sirius pressed himself up into Remus’ side and breathed out slowly, watching clouds drift across the now darkening sky.

A few stars broke through the weave of blue.

“It’s beautiful,” said Sirius, because it was. Even the destruction had a mesmerising enchantment to it that Sirius couldn’t look away from, as he’d never seen anything so disordered in his life. Earth was huge and chaotic and yet full of a calm joy that he’d never experienced on the structured life of Port or the explosive forces of the planets in the open Galaxy.

Remus shifted so his shoulder was tucked under Sirius’ arm, his warmth bleeding through Sirius’ trousers and shirt, and Sirius thought about the easy way Lulu had tucked himself into Beast’s shape.

“Hey, Remus,” he asked, voice soft in the silence. Remus hummed in response, so Sirius continued. “What sort of relationship do you want in the future?”

Remus hummed again, but didn’t move. He just spoke into Sirius’ chest, lips brushing the material of his shirt. “I want a best friend, who’s also my love and my sun and my stars. Who I trust with the world and all the little things.”

“You want the stars?”

Remus looked up at the waver in Sirius’ voice and his eyes were huge and amused and full of a rich, sleepy happiness. “Maybe I’m after one star in particular.”

And he laid a hand on Sirius’ hip on the opposite of his body to where he was laying, curling Sirius’ shirt into his big hands, and fell asleep. Sirius pulled off his jacket, careful not to jostle Remus’ prone form, and tucked it over them. Resting his head on the padded ledge of the seats, he closed his eyes, and felt himself join Remus in sleep.

  


They awoke to the bright mid-morning sun and blue skies the next morning, and a cheerful greeting from Beast, who was leaning on a window sill of their boat and peering up at them with a blank expression that didn’t do much to hide his amusement.

“Wake up, lads, I get that you were likely busy but the weir needs rising to let supplies in. Got to get off the walkway before the flood comes.”

Sirius rubbed his eyes. Hazy memories popped into the forefront of his mind as he tried to picture why he was stiff and cold, sitting outside on a rocking object, about falling asleep with Remus across his lap. Remus himself sat upright and flung the now more familiar middle and index finger action over the side of the boat at Beast, who thumped on the wood twice.

“Fuck you too, Moons. Me and Lulu refilled your engine, got Hail to have a look and check it weren’t a total wreck after your mad-ass driving. You leaving now or staying for breakfast with us?”

Sirius watched as Remus stretched and shimmied out the kinks of his shoulders and back, feet planted wide against the slow shifting motion of the boat and hair flat on one side where he’d been pressed against Sirius’ sternum.

A slow, unfamiliar heat curled in the pit of his stomach, and the memory of Remus’ hands reaching across his hips and thighs, touching his neck and biceps and plaiting the long hair at the back of his head amongst the sunflowers, raised unbidden in his mind. He thought about Hail and Castle, and the slow turning of their heads as they kissed in full view of everyone in the van, and Julie pinching Maddie’s arse in the lab, earning herself a faux-shocked but still fond retaliatory prod with a spanner, then a peck on the cheek.

He thought about Remus' hair in the twilight and didn't know what to make of the memory.

“-take Sirius and head out now, instead. We're pretty close from here anyway.” Remus was saying, and Sirius snapped his head up to stare at him.

Smiling, Remus held out a hand and when Sirius took it gingerly, he pulled him up onto his feet. They climbed off the roof and followed Beast up the walkway to a set of stone steps that stuck out of the wall in a diagonal line back up to the high ground. Beast and Remus took the stairs two at time, seemingly unaware of the fall below their feet, but Sirius felt the stones crumble under his shoes. Slowing, he made sure to toe every one carefully, pressed as close to the wall as possible, and only stayed on the step for a second at a time. As he reached the top, Remus closed a hand around Sirius' wrist and he jumped, startled into looking directly into Remus' hypnotic eyes. He felt his whole body relax as Remus smiled, eyes warm and crinkled around the edges with the pull of his lips.

“Come on, wuss,” Remus murmured, low and reassuring, “Lulu packed my bag in the back of the truck before he brought it 'round, so we're set to go. The city should look amazing in an hour or two, with the morning sun.”

  


Remus drove them out of Shortseas in a screech of tyres and a cloud of dust. Blackened lines scorched the road as he skidded around tight corners, dark glasses covering his eyes and his long hair tucked into a hat that made the angles of his jawbone stick out in sharp relief. Sirius eventually let go of his death grip on the rubber of his seat as he grew used to the rattling of the truck. The journey was much shorter than the previous day, and the landscape flatter.

As they approached the edge of the city, crumbled buildings and piles of rubble began to appear in the fields. Remus swerved out of the way of a twisted piece of metal that appeared to have fallen into road and was too large to move far, the wheels groaning and rumbling as he thundered over the the grass and dirt. Blue sparks flew from the edge of the truck’s casing as he clipped a section of the metal and it scraped the length of the vehicle, causing a screech that rang through Sirius’ head and didn’t stop buzzing for a few seconds even after they’d left the metal behind them.

The city grew around them as the sun rose into the sky in a haze of yellow and pink. Buildings started off grey shells with broken doors and peeling paint and rose into spirals of warped metal and melted glass with the debris of a thousand bombs and shards of glass surrounding them, the sunlight making them glow with a fascinating rainbow of fire that entranced Sirius. Even the wrecked and ruined buildings that listed to the side or were crumpled in on themselves on one side still towered above them, miles high and as imposing as mountains. The sun crept higher in the sky, peeking through gaps in the buildings and illuminating paths that Remus sped down. The buzz of the engine echoed around the streets and Remus’ laughter as he took corners so fast that the truck began to tip to one side filled Sirius with some strange, fierce joy and he felt it burst and burn through his chest.

“Stop the truck,” he said, and Remus slammed the brakes on in the middle of the road, the truck jerking to a halt with a shudder and a groan.

“What?” Remus gasped, and Sirius frowned, unable to see those amber eyes change expression behind the lenses of the glasses. He leant forward and plucked them off Remus’ nose, revealing confused and worried eyes, and the smattering of freckles that splattered his nose, and the flush that was spreading across his cheeks at Sirius’ proximity.

“What…?” he said again, but Sirius shrugged and didn’t move away. Remus’ eyes were softening before his own, panic bleeding into understanding and something that shifted the amber into liquid gold. His pupils were black and huge this close to Sirius and he could see his own reflection in them windswept hair and too large jacket and all.

Sirius swallowed down the lump in his throat. He thought about Hail and Rain, and Julie and Maddie, and himself and Remus, the stars and the moon.

He leant forwards into Remus’ space and then… stopped. He didn’t know what he wanted except to kiss Remus, but the physical aspect stumped him - he had no idea what to do. But Remus was leaning in too, and Sirius’ eyes slipped closed without him realising, and then there was warmth and light pressure on his lips, dry and comfortable and amazing.

He pushed against the touch and reached a hand forward, wanting skin to ground him. He grasped the material of Remus’ clothes and dragged him in, instinct guiding his movements as he tilted his head and slotted their mouths together properly. The inner side of Remus’ lip was slick against his own and the feeling sent fireworks exploding behind his eyes and in his stomach.

Pulling a inch away from Remus felt as hard as moving mountains.

“Sirius?” Remus asked, when Sirius didn’t say anything. Sirius just brushed their lips together once again, grinning inanely. He could feel himself growing addicted to the feeling.

“I want to stay,” he blurted. Remus frowned.

“What?”

“I want to stay on Earth,” Sirius explained, gripping Remus’ shoulders. Understanding broke out like the sunshine on Remus’ face and he kissed Sirius with his palms warm on Sirius’ cheeks, his smile obvious by the curve of his lips.

“Then you’re welcome to stay with us at Hogwarts,” he whispered, “You’re… You’re welcome to stay with me as well.”

His heart fluttered and Sirius closed his eyes, feeling the sun warm his back through the material of his shirt and smelling the dull musk of Remus’ skin.

Around them, the sun rose amongst the rubble and ruin, and Remus and Sirius kissed, budding feelings buzzing in their hearts.


End file.
